As I discussed last week, one's profile on FetLife is important, as it's often the 1st, and sometimes the only impression it makes on potential new friends, play-partners and romantic interests. You can also think of it as your Resume or business-card, if you will.
Since many people as me for guidance on creating a good profile, I’m putting some ideas and thoughts here. These should not be treated as "rules", but rather a path. No two people are the same, and so no two profiles should be.
One thing to keep in mind is that just like Resume's, people can put whatever they like on their profiles, and we have bad elements who deceive and lie. This has made many people weary and suspicious of profiles. I myself, when I vet individuals, I look at a lot more than the profile, of course, and it's quite time-consuming, but it's a small price to pay for building a safe community, spaces and events. Following some of the thoughts here can help you build a profile that inspires trust and respect, and can help integrate into our community better. Another way to think about is that a profile isn’t only about what it HAS, but also about what it doesn’t have. In other words, a thin or blank profile, to most people, indicate carelessness or laziness, neither of which are respected qualities of a person.
The main thing to remember is that a profile is more than a sum of its parts. A profile tells a story, and the more complete it is, the better the story, and the more likely that others will like it, and like the author. That means that writing 10 pages for your welcome text is great, but if everything else is blank, then it’s still an incomplete story. On a related note, it’s also important to remember most people don’t go on a profile to get a PHD, so content beyond a certain amount become useless, and at some point, might convey an impression or self-indulgence or even ego-mania (talking to you, Mr. “longestcockever” with 1,614 profile pics of your junk).
So, here are my recommendations. Once again, these are not rules (not that I’m anyone to GIVE rules to anyone else)…just what I think is a good framework:
I would recommend at least 2-3 paragraphs of text. One about "who" you are...what kind of person you are. A second about your fetish/kink/sex (what you’re looking for, what you like, a word about what you’ve done, etc.). More is better, as long as you don't go into over-indulgence fever.
When writing, do not go overboard with the styling (font sizes, emphasis, etc.). It’s considered childish and tacky (like having a PowerPoint deck with a lot of effects)
Upload at least a dozen photos, but here too don't go crazy. They don't all have to be of you, though at least ¼ should be. If you don’t want to show your face, then I'd recommend at least a full body shot (with the face either cropped-out or blurry). Other photos people upload are about who/what they are, such as a pic of a place they’ve been or love, art piece they made or like, a meme or caricature that means something to them. There are really endless options.
Do not, under any circumstances, set your main profile picture to be a dick-pic. This is universally agreed as a clear indicator of a negative person.
Explore Fetlife’s groups, and find groups with topics of interest. That could be regional groups pertaining to your specific area or neighborhood, hobby groups about your personal job or business, and, of course, groups related to your kinks. Here too, it’s good to keep it balanced. If you are on 68 “biggest tits ever” groups, people might think that’s the only thing you’re about
The FetLife profile page has a place where you can list specific kinks and fetishes. While you could simply write that in your into text, this section makes it easy to choose ones from a “catalog”, and is more visible on your profile. It’s a better way.
Add friends. This can be a challenge if you’re new to the community, because “adding” someone unless you actually have a connection with them is rude. However, you can “follow” people you have seen at events, as well as people who might be well-known or influential in the community. As you attend events (whether in-person or online), you will meet new people and get to know and add them. At community events, it’s very normal for people to share their FetLife, and this is a good place to remind you of the importance of a good name. “Dan1973” is about as uninspired as they come, for example. Try to pick a name that’s fun, funny, meaningful and easy to remember and spell (as opposed to a lot of dashes, repeating letters or weird spelling). Some people (like me) even get business-cards with their Fetlife alias, so they can hand them out at events. There are free card-printing services, but I feel that spending $25 on a box of cards is a pretty good investment, as it would get you about 250 of them, which would last months of frequent activity. My go-to provider is 3dayprintclub.com
Finally, WRITE. Just like this article, which you just read, sharing thoughts, ideas, info and tips with others is a good way to show your colors. Take the time to use a spell and style checker and try to come up with fun or useful stuff a few times a month. This goes a long way.
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