Emotions and actions

The most common misconception I encounter when discussing emotions with people is this: emotions are not the same as actions, and there is a big difference between controlling emotions and controlling actions. I myself am an EXTREMELY emotional guy. I feel frustration, sadness, love and joy at least as much as any other human being out there. I enjoy my good emotions and respect the negative ones (we all need a solid cry now and then), but I don't try to suppress them. However, many years ago I mastered controlling my ACTIONS. Feeling frustrated at a situation doesn't mean I will allow myself to yell, shout, curse or do anything else that might hurt someone else (which is of particular significance, since I’m a big and strong guy). Feeling enormous amounts love, which I do, and often, doesn't mean I tell it to everyone or babble endlessly about it either.

Controlling one's action in response to their emotions is very important. Most of us get angry, or feel other emotions, from time to time, and it’s only natural to want to expel these emotions. Who never wanted to bash someone’s face in occasionally? I certainly did too, mostly during my army service. However, good people don't let those emotions ruin theirs or others' lives. What should you do instead? To each their own. Some people have a therapist, others expel their emotions at inanimate objects (whether it’s their own walls, or perhaps at an “anger room”). My way? I WRITE. I write letters to people or organizations that trigger those feelings, and I then expand, edit and refine them until I feel I “delivered” a perfect message of how I feel. That’s it….I don’t print or send the letters. Just putting the words down is all it takes to calm me down.

Are you a person who gets loud, prickly or violent in tough situations? That’s dangerous, and every one of us should spend time to figure out a system of handling that. Whether it’s an anger-management therapy or just buying yourself a good-quality punching bag, it’s important to keep your sanity, or perhaps keep you out of jail. And almost as important is to remember that when we talk about this, to make that distinction between emotions and actions. It is one of the most prevalent issue in many relationships, both domestic and otherwise. When someone else asks you to control yourself, they never mean that you're not allowed to FEEL. Just that you should suppress the ACTIONS those feeling might be driving you to take.

Love with all your heart, hate with your pen!