Earlier, I published some writing about being a better lover, focusing on doing so with women. I’ve since discussed the topic with numerous individuals, both men and women, who were interested in what I had to suggest regarding pleasing men, so here it is. Surprisingly…or maybe not so much so, it shares several points with the female version.
Naturally, I must preface this by reminding everyone that men, just like women, are like snowflakes. We are all different, and there’s no single thing or technique that will score every time. Some men are so easy to please that they can be brought to orgasm in under 10 seconds (I’ve been there myself quite a few times), and some have had so much sex that even an hour of intense cock-sucking won’t get them there. There are, however, a few concepts and ideas that might help achieve better results. I should also take this opportunity to point out that while the majority of people desire stronger orgasms, speed is not always a goal. Some prefer to take longer, because a long build-up of sexual tension (or frustration) can lead to stronger climax. On the other hand, many people prefer to spend less time pleasing their partner and so making their men cum faster would certainly be a goal. Most of this is written with the perspective of a female providing pleasure to a male, and this is not to ignore homosexual activity (which I myself do sometimes, being Pan-sexual), but rather for convenience of language.
Generally, women pleasing men means FELLATIO. To be honest…I personally disagree with this, because I think a MUCH better job can be done with the hands. While no doubt the mouth and tongue are naturally wet and soft, somewhat similarly to the vagina, the truth of the matter is that the hands are much better equipped for this. There are more muscles, more dexterity, and with some lubrication, they can be just as soft and wet. I’ve seen numerous individuals do wonders with their fingers, and when done right, has always worked much better on me than any oral (and benefit for the other person: it eliminates that situation of dealing with the ejaculate, which many people don’t like). However, our culture has acclimated many men to expect or even demand fellatio as the primary way to achieve sexual gratification, and nothing I write will change that. So let’s talk about doing that as best as possible.
The first thing, which also applies to cunnilingus is to LISTEN. This means both listening to what your man has to say (what he likes, what he doesn’t like) and the kind of sounds he makes. Many men are “trained” to be fairly quiet and give almost no clue to what they’re experiencing, and that makes it challenging to know if you’re being effective. In that case, listening to their breathing, and micro-sounds they make (like the sounds you might hear as they move their lips, arms or even fingers around) can give a good clue. It’s tempting to look closely at the man in hopes of getting facial cues, but keep in mind that people can feel it when they are being watched, and that could make them self-conscious and make it difficult to climax. If you’re relying on subtle auditory cues, then it’s better to avoid trying to do this with background music, even though some people like to have music playing during sex.
The reason so many men are dead-quiet is because virtually all men’s first sexual experience is masturbation, often for many years before they get to have sex with another person. Masturbation, as lovely and healthy as it is, is still a source of shame to many, even if they don’t come from religious upbringing. As a result, many men train themselves to do it as quietly as they can, to reduce the chance of someone knowing about it (like their parents or siblings). This is also why being watched or possibly watched makes it difficult, and sometimes even mundane background sounds can “kill” the mood. This is also why many people like to put on music, as it can drown out the noises that could make them jumpy.
The second thing is Points of Stimulation (POS). While fellatio itself is, of course, only about the mouth, the reality is that many things play a part in arousal, and a smart person uses this to their advantage. I already mentioned the hands, and since we have 2 of them, with 5 fingers each, they can be used for at least 2 other POS. That could be the man’s nipples, if they are an erogenous zone (some men are susceptible, some lesser so or none at all). This could include a finger near or through the anus, or on the prostate, if the man is comfortable taking that sort of action. Even a gentle caress by both hands in a seemingly non-erogenous zone can enhance stimulation. For example, a gentle caress on the feet or around the ears can do wonders. If trying that, keep in mind that a KEY element is symmetry – doing the same motion with both hands on both sides of the body. It might seem silly, but try it and see for yourself. For some reason, caressing both sides simultaneously (and in the same direction, speed, pressure, etc.) is more please than one side by a huge factor (not by x2, but by x10!). There’s something about that overload of sensory input that can make a good orgasm EXPLOSIVE.
Other points of stimulation are simply by your own presence. The mere presence of you near your man is arousing, so use that and be close (as opposed to just leaning towards his cock or hovering over it). The level of closeness should be confirmed with him as it could make a difference. If it’s so close that the man cannot move, that could detract from the pleasure for some. Yet others might get a kinky-arousal from being held-down. I myself, for example, get high arousal when my lover is “holding me down” by sitting on my face, but on the other hand, if my feet are held down, I may not be able to climax for a long time. A wonderful position for that is 69 (even if he doesn’t use that opportunity to give you pleasure too) as it gives full body contact, and can be very stimulating for a guy, to have the pussy all up in his face. Another POS is your warmth, so making sure it feels warm is a good step in the right direction (or at least avoiding being too cold). Scent is yet another factor. Using the right perfume can add a lot of excitement. Your voice is another instrument, and using sexy sounds or words can add another dimension. For those wanting to nit-pick this article, I’ll repeat once more that the above notions only apply to MOST men, and for anything, there are going to be people out there who are unaffected-by, or even repulsed. This is why above all else, listening is key. Something that isn’t precisely a POS, but can enhance sensation is stretching the penis skin by gently tugging on it or on the testicles. When the skin is lightly stretched, it exposes more nerves to touch.
Naturally, you won’t always use any or all of the POS, but varying them every time can provide so much oomph into your love life. If you are a mistress of skills and can pull-off all of them at once, your name will probably go down in the anals of men-kind. Yeah, I know; I said anals, not annals. Deal with it. Some might even go further and set up a threesome, where you and another person could “share the load” and double the POS quotient for a super intense experience.
Another practical tip is to remember that the “hot” spot on the penis is its bottom, while the top part, with most men, is too sensitive, and can make a man “jump” instead of causing arousal. This can be a tricky part of the 69 position, because that position places your tongue on the top of the penis, so just remember to be gentle and not press hard on the skin with your tongue. If the man is in a standing or sitting position, a nice little perk is holding his ass-cheeks and pulling him towards you, which many men enjoy a lot.
In their quest to be a better lover, I often see people develop or practice various “tricks”, such as the popular deep-throating, delivering extreme suction, or going up-and-down the penis shaft at ultrasonic speeds. While hearing a woman gag or throw-up is certainly a kink for some folks, and others aspire to re-enact scenes of extreme skill they’ve seen in porn, the reality is all this effort is wasted on many men, and sometimes can even be detrimental. The Penis is gentle and going at it too fast or hard on it can bruise it and not only prevent an orgasm, it can even take your man out of commission for a few days. My advice is to avoid turning your fellatio into a Cirque du Soleil act, unless you have a strong reason to believe that’s what your guy wants. While some men certainly prefer faster over slower movement, do keep in mind that consistency is very important to most men, so try to keep a steady pace.
And a final point about this: all good things cum to an end, and that’s a bit risky for several reasons. One is that you should have a clear plan on how you handle the inevitable release of fluid. I’m not going to say it’s Champagne, but for the most part, it doesn’t taste too bad and I would advise to try to master swallowing, as any other option could be detrimental to the guy’s orgasm. If your man’s product is foul, there are numerous dietary changes that could help, and I’m certain most men will be happy to consider them for better sex. Try to work with your man for him to give some kind of signal that he’s about to cum, whether it’s a gesture, a word, or even a sound. Being ready for that squirt can help reduce the risk of choking on it, which is very unpleasant (especially if goes up your nose). Some men can’t do it reliably, but if you observe and listen, you’ll notice a repeating pattern (many tense or arch their body and raise their butt in the final seconds) and learn it. Regardless, keep in mind that the penis becomes VERY sensitive right after orgasm, so be mindful and stop once you feel the final “rope” (orgasmic convulsions). Some men become so sensitive it’s best to literally pull away, while others might enjoy a few more seconds of keeping your mouth very lightly on the penis. Also, while most women want a solid cuddle after they climax, many men prefer a bit of distance, so talk to him about it, and respect his wishes even if you yourself feel super clingy.
Well, this is it….fellatio 101. But before I depart, I would like to suggest once more, both for men and women, to fully explore your hands as a default ahead of fellatio. We have 34 muscles in each palm and fingers, and about 30 square inches of surface combined. This allows SO much stimulation! Not just the top half of the penis, which is what most mouths can contain, but most of the penis shaft with one hand, and the testicles and perineum with the other (maybe even the rectum, with some practice). Some people need lube for this (ideally, warmed up to about 90 degrees, and you can even buy products that dispense warm lube straight into your hand), while many have spit that is naturally viscous. If your guy is willing and able, ask them to show you how THEY masturbate, and learn from it. Even if they are too self-conscious to climax with you watching, even a careful observation for a few seconds can give you a good idea of the kind of speed, contact points and pressure that they need (they have probably honed their masturbation skills for years or decades, so learn from “the master”), and then ramp it up with some additional POS I suggested earlier. Bonus points can be obtained from doing this in the shower, which ads warmth to all of it, and the ability to ejaculate without worrying about a mess can be very freeing. In the shower, you can also use soap or shampoo as a lube, which can deliver an exceptionally slippery-wet feeling.
Hopefully, some people will find this information and ideas helpful, and it will allow anyone to become a master in male gratification.
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