What is Sex Positive?

The term “Sex-Positive” comes up a lot in the BDSM world, and even more specifically in the Seattle community, as our main club is specifically named “The Center for Sex-Positive Culture” (CSPC). This begs the question what IS sex-positive, and what’s the big deal?

Sex-positive is a concept which is the basis for a social movement by the same name. It goes back almost a century ago to the Austrian psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich, who wrote about it first in his book The Invasion of Compulsory Sex-Morality (Part of which you can read here and the full thing can be ordered here).

The concept of sex-positive suggests that sex should be considered by all to be a good, healthy and normal thing. This position is in contrast to the common state of mind in many western societies (*), which views sex as shameful, sinful and even disgusting. One might argue that this isn’t the case, citing how common sex and nudity is in our culture, even in mainstream broadcast television, but even though we have made a lot of progress, the core values (at least in America) are still quite negative towards sex (for example...how many people you know that you could say "I masturbated to your photo last night, and came SO hard"?). It’s true that sexual content is more readily available, and less restricted than it was a decade or two ago, but most Americans still hold values that define sex as something that should not be discussed (let alone performed) in public. Even today, in 2017, it doesn’t take much more than a shot of a woman in a Bikini or a kissing scene to get a movie rated “PG-13”, and Women who breastfeed their infants in public still get routinely harassed.

* This isn’t to say that every person in Western Society feel this way…just that it’s the dominant view shared by most people

People who subscribe to the sex-positive view feel that sexual attraction between adults is nothing to be ashamed of, and acting on it shouldn't be more restricted or judged than engaging in a game of chess or sharing a meal. That doesn’t mean necessarily that people would or should jump into bed together without any considerations…just that they shouldn’t avoid that due to arbitrary rules. For example, many people follow the “3 date rule”, which dictates that people should not have sex before they completed at least 3 dates. Other, even more extreme rules say that a woman shouldn’t ask a man out, but rather wait for the man to initiate the romantic relationship (presumably because a woman initiating a relationship is promiscuous, and that being promiscuous is bad). These values and rules are often taught to people at an early age, by their parents, friends and the media (mostly romantic comedies) and continue to permeate our world very deeply.

Within the sex-positive community, people feel completely free to voice their appreciation or attraction to another (politely and respectfully!), and if the feelings are mutual, they usually feel free to engage in romantic or sexual activity at-will. They also engage in this activity outside of the classic confined spaces of the bedroom and anywhere where it is legal and doesn’t hurt or offend others. This doesn’t mean that a couple would go ahead with a loud intercourse session on the street or in front of their children, but on the other hand, they wouldn’t go to lengths to hide the fact that they are engaging in sex (for example, society’s sex-negative rules suggest that intercourse would only be OK after the kids have gone to sleep so that the kids don’t know of it).

Most of us in the sex-positive community don’t try too much to change the world, but most of us certainly hope a day will come where saying “mom and dad are going upstairs to have sex” to a child wouldn’t risk a raid by Social Services and when a woman walking around topless wouldn’t risk her being thrown in jail (New York, Hawaii, Maine, Ohio, and Texas are the only states in the US that explicitly allow a woman being topless in public).

Will this day ever come? It’s hard to say for sure. Even as late as 2004, female nudity on public television has drawn massive protests by viewers, and the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) still limits what can be shown on public television. Studies show that currently there’s twice as much sexual activity being depicted on television compared to previous decades, and the success of shows like Game of Thrones and Billions suggest that sex-positive values are becoming more common and acceptable to the American public. Perhaps when the current generation (Millennials, a.k.a. Generation Y) become the dominant in media and business, we will start to see a shift in public opinion. Me and my friends certainly hope so!