Monday, November 12, 2018

Monogamy 101


As someone with a lot of experience in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships, a lot of folks ask me for advice. I felt it was a good idea to put some important things in writing, so others can benefit from it. The most important thing about relationships is RULES. Without rules, there’s no way for you to control what your partner does, and if there’s no control, there’s chaos, which no one likes. Here are some of the principals and rules that govern serious relationships.
1.      Eternal Love

The most important thing in life is TRUE love, while any other love is fleeting and meaningless. True love is forever, and is critical to any relationship. You must make sure your partner has true love for you, and look for any sign that their love is false. One way to check the status is to test what your partner would be willing to do for you. If they aren’t willing to give anything and everything for you, including their own life, then this is a clear indication that this isn’t true love. Other ways to check is to verify that your partner remembers any and every piece of information you have ever given to them, from your favorite soda to your parents’ birthdays. If the partner cannot be bothered to memorize information about you, then they are just wasting your time. An extremely dangerous warning sign is if your partner is late to a date or event, as this clearly demonstrates that other things are of more importance to them.

2.      Interacting with others:
Any interaction your partner has with a person of the opposite gender is dangerous, because people are always attracted to people of the opposite gender without exception. If there is any interaction, either in-person or on the internet, your partner will inevitably fall in love with that person. Naturally, that also means the other person is attracted to your partner, and will make a move to steal them from you. This will be followed, of course, by your partner cheating on you with that person, and eventually leave you for them. In addition, an important part of true love is complete dedication, so if your partner is unwilling to let go of previous relationships completely (both romantic and social), it means you are only their part-time partner, which is useless. If you are a particularly kind and patient person, you might allow your partner to interact with friends of the same gender, as long as that interaction is short and infrequent (up to 3 hours, and up to once a week) and is for a specific purpose, such as a sports game or a birthday celebration. If the meeting is with more than 2 people, it is of particular risk, as people cannot be trusted when in a group.

3.      Sexual behavior.
Your partner can only be sexually attracted to one person, so if they watch porn, it means they are no longer attracted to you. If your partner masturbates, either with or without porn, it means they are no longer interested in having sex with you, and are replacing you with the masturbation as a temporary step before replacing you completely with another lover. Similarly, if your partner’s desire to have sex with you declines, it is the beginning of the end of your relationship. Always be on the lookout for symptoms of this, such as the partner viewing photos of others on their phone or computer, or them interacting with other people more than is required for day-to-day things. Of special danger is co-workers, as those are always looking for romance in the office. If at any point your partner does not report their whereabouts to you for a period of over 30 minutes, it means they are either dead, or cheating on you, so their schedule and location must be tracked carefully and meticulously.

4.      Escalation
A relationship must constantly escalate towards marriage. If your partner doesn’t convey their true love for you both verbally and with actions with increasing frequency and intensity, then it’s not true love. The path towards marriage is as follows:
1.      Casual dating
2.      Sexual activity
3.      Exclusive dating (within 1 month)
4.      Moving-in together (within 3 months)
5.      Engagement (within 2 years)
6.      Marriage (within 3 years)
All the above must happen within the specific timeframes listed above. Any deviation from this, up or down, is a huge red flag and is a high predictor for the ultimate doom of the relationship.

5.      Marriage
Marriage is the ultimate goal of any relationship, so it’s critical to pave the path towards it and follow it precisely. If your partner doesn’t want to get married within 3 years of starting to date, this indicates they are immature, and that the relationship was just a sham and is destined to end shortly. If your partner is going to marry you, they must prove their seriousness by committing the appropriate financial resources, which would be an engagement ring costing at least the equivalent to your partner’s income over 3 months. Marriage is forever, of course, so when that goal has been reached, you are no longer required to maintain your health or appearance and can live happily ever-after with your partner.

Any deviation or failure by your partner to live by the above is proof that the love you have is not true love, and as such, it is completely empty and useless. If you ever find out that your love is such and that your relationship was a waste of time, you must sever the relationship immediately, while making sure to illustrate to your partner what a shameful failure they are at relationships. It is a shame, of course, as finding a better partner could take a while, but that is the price we sometimes have to pay for true love.

The above is, of course, a work of satire, reflecting the absurd ways relationships are portrayed in the media and popular culture. Unfortunately, many people buy into this portrayal, and attempt to run their own relationships following such or similar “rules”, and that very often leads to disappointment, heartbreak and suffering. If you are one of the people who feel that love must be governed by strict rules, you are setting yourself and your partners up for failures, because the human heart has a mind of its own (as the saying goes 'the heart wants what the heart wants'). It’s reasonable to set some expectations and boundaries, but the more strict the rules are, the more likely you or your partner are to break one and suffer some consequences. Similarly, the more rigid you or your partner are about these and unable to understand the basic concept of human beings, the less likely your relationships will be turbulent or worse.




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